


An Avenger Might Be Missing - Let’s Talk About That

by wneleh



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Rhett & Link, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Good Mythical Morning - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-03
Updated: 2015-05-03
Packaged: 2018-03-28 21:28:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3870397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wneleh/pseuds/wneleh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thousands, if not tens of thousands, of innocent men, women, and children, all dead.  A city utterly destroyed, several others in ruins.  And, now, perhaps most shocking of all...  One of the original Avengers seems to be missing.</p><p>Let’s talk about that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Avenger Might Be Missing - Let’s Talk About That

Rhett: Thousands, if not tens of thousands, of innocent men, women, and children, all dead. A city utterly destroyed, several others in ruins.  
Link: And, now, perhaps most shocking of all...  
Rhett: One of the original Avengers seems to be missing.  
Link: Let’s talk about that.

{Opening theme}

Link: Good Mythical Morning!  
Rhett: We’d like to thank each and every one you for making us a part of your daily routine. And, we’d like to give an extra-special shout-out to this week’s sponsor, Jim Bob’s Garage.  
Link: Jim Bob’s Garage. Because, even though there are several states with populations smaller than our daily viewership…  
Rhett: VERY small states...  
Link: Or large portions of medium-sized states which, through no fault of their own, lack major metropolitan areas.  
Rhett: Fair enough.  
Link: Our only sponsor this week is Jim Bob.  
Rhett: But he’s not just a sponsor, he’s also a great mechanic. Link, you remember how he got my minivan’s automatic doors working.  
Link: Um, you could have fixed that yourself, you just had to get up under that dashboard and pull a fuse…  
Rhett: Like I was saying, Jim Bob’s a good guy, check him out.

Rhett: We don’t often get very topical here on GMM…  
Link: Don’t need the hate mail, folks!  
Rhett: But we can’t ignore that the world…  
Link: The entire planet…  
Rhett: Has been through some serious sh…  
(Off female screen voice): Poo  
Rhett: Doodoo  
Link (looking off screen): Stevie approves of doodoo  
Rhett: TRAUMA the past few days.  
Link: Portions of Seoul and Johannesburg leveled, and the complete destruction of the capitol city of tiny Kastov… uh…. Um….  
Rhett: Sokovia  
Link: Kosovia  
Rhett: Link, we’ve been listening to NPR for, like, sixty hours straight. Get it right. It’s SoKOvia. SO. KO.  
Link: You want to take a shot at the city’s name itself?  
Rhett: No, no I don’t.

Link: Yes, today, we’re going to set aside most of what’s happened, to focus in on what, to my kids, is the most important question. Which is…  
Rhett: Where on Earth…  
Link: Because these days you need to get specific…  
Rhett: Is Bruce Banner?

Link: Now, I’m sure some of you Mythical Beasts are going, who?  
Rhett: Who???  
Link: Because while everyone knows that Tony Stark is Iron Man, and Captain America is just another name for Steve Rogers…  
Rhett: And Natasha Romanov is sometimes called “The Black Widow”…  
Link: Has she ever even been married?  
Rhett: I don’t know.  
Link: Because why…  
Rhett: I DON’T KNOW WHY SHE’S CALLED THAT.  
Link: She’s not even black.

Rhett: The point is, these real-life superheroes all have catchy handles.  
Link: Except Thor.  
Rhett: Except Thor.  
Link: But the Hulk just IS.  
Rhett: Well, sometimes I’ve heard him called “The Incredible Hulk.”  
Link: True, that. But, again, our point is, behind, or maybe inside, the Hulk is a real, live person, Dr. Bruce Banner.

Rhett: Now, maybe Dr. Banner is just vacationing in the South of France…  
Link: Or is on a bender in Duluth…  
Rhett: Which isn’t where most people would go on benders…  
Link: What’s wrong with Duluth?  
Rhett: But chatter on the interwebz has it that the dude, for reasons unknown…  
Link: But probably not looking for sea shells…  
Rhett: Ended up crashing into the ocean.  
Link: Not sure which one!  
Rhett: But hopefully the Mediterranean and not, you know, the North Sea…  
Link: In a cloaked plane.  
Rhett: And now nobody can find him.  
Link: Which, folks, we call ‘irony’.  
Rhett: Like rain on your wedding day.  
Link: Or shaving your head on your wedding day.  
Rhett: But we’re not going there.

Link: So now, the question is, what lengths will the Avengers go to, to find Dr. Banner.  
Rhett: Will they, like, drain the Mediterranean?  
Link: Or the North Sea?  
Rhett: Which would be a lot harder.  
Link: No, I don’t think so…  
Rhett: I used to design drainage ponds. Trust me on this one.

Link: Or will Thor do some hammer-waving and turn off the Earth’s magnetic field, making it easier to find sh…  
Rhett: Doodoo!  
Link: On the ocean floor, using shipboard, or satellite-based, magnetometers.  
Rhett: Actually, that would be pretty neat. I think Thor should do that.  
Link: I think the consequences would be pretty bad. Think of the effect on navigation, or about how the magnetic field protects us from cosmic radiation…  
Rhett: See, that’s why I’m the Visionary.

Link: You know, I doubt there’s even much metal in that plane.  
Rhett: You’re probably right.

Link: Or maybe they’ll, like, co-opt all the world’s Merfolk – is that right? Can we call them that?  
Offscreen voice: Merfolk is fine.  
Rhett: Which, frankly, wouldn’t affect life here in LA much.  
Link: So, Avengers, you can go ahead and do that one.

Rhett: Returning to our point – Mythical Beasts, be prepared for more shenanigans.  
Link: Because who knows what these folks will do for a friend.  
Rhett: Like, if Link had crashed into the ocean in some top-secret Stark Industries plane, I wouldn’t be sitting here.  
Link: As if you’d let me fly that thing without coming along.  
Rhett: True that. Come to think, it would probably be me flying it, and you tagging along.  
Link: You’re too tall to be a pilot.  
Rhett: Your vision’s too crappy.  
Link: We’re saying ‘crappy’ but not ‘shit’?  
Rhett: Let it go.  
Link: Point is, I’d move heaven and earth to figure out what had happened to Rhett…  
Rhett: And vice versa  
Link: And so, if one COULD move heaven and earth…  
Rhett: Well, watch out if you’re in the way!

Link: You know, I’m a lot more Bruce Banner-like than you are.  
Rhett: Never have I been more happy that we dumped our engineering careers than I am at this very moment.  
Link: Huh?

Rhett: Feel free to leave your own thoughts about where Dr. Banner, a-k-a The Incredible Hulk, might be, in the comments.  
Link: Also, if you can think of a good Earth name for Thor, go for it.  
Rhett: Maybe, take the first three letters of your youngest cousin’s name, and the name of your favorite type of cloud formation…  
Link: Don’t be a dork, Rhett.  
Rhett: Also, join us for Good Mythical More, where we discuss other massive city destructions, like all those times in the 50s and 60s that Toyko got it bad.  
Link: Did you say “TOKYO”???

(Fans of GMM know what happens next.)

* * * THE END * * *


End file.
